One clings to every straw
She gives birth to the baby and is the mother on the birth certificate. Annika, on the other hand, has no legal claim to Sverre: “The worst thing would be if something happened to Regina, that Sverre would come to the home, that he would be taken away from me. Because legally I would not be his second parent.”
Adoption is the hardest part
So that Sverre is covered, Annika has to adopt him – otherwise she is a “legal nothing”. As an egg donor, she is convinced: “You can’t have more children together.”
But the outcome of the onerous adoption process remains uncertain for a long time. After a good 14 months, the child has made the marathon and the boy has two parents – on paper, because in life there are three parents. But there is no registered three-parenthood like in Great Britain in this country.
The visit from the adoption office with a home inspection becomes a nerve strain for Regina and Annika. The hearing from the family court is an even bigger hurdle.
Sverre’s father Nils, who lives in a homosexual partnership, does not see himself as an anonymous sperm donor. He wants to take responsibility, but knows that he can never assume a classic father role. Of course he celebrates the first birthday of his son. There are three grandmas, three grandpas and three parents.
Big brother will help
Sverre’s big brother from Regina’s first marriage will probably be of great support to him if hurtful comments are made during his childhood. He heard them himself when his mother came out as a lesbian.
Regina and Annika live in a registered partnership, a so-called “gay marriage”. However, it is not legally equal to heterosexual marriage, because the man would automatically be the legal father.
Too much harmony
Unfortunately, the cameras are not allowed to accompany the crucial discussions with the family judge and the adoption office. Nevertheless, the report gives a deep insight into the difficulties and nervous strains of this unusual parenthood. Frauke Siebold says about her research that it was not easy to find couples who wanted to talk about these personal and sensitive things. Fear of discrimination also played a role.
So the protagonists remain the self-confident, whose cases turn for the better, whose environment stands by them. That’s why – as so often in this ZDF series – the sweet aftertaste of too much harmony remains.
Unusual but still conventional
The impression arises that these co-parents – despite their unusual constellations – are strongly oriented towards tradition, and are actually very inconspicuous. The most modern are the medicine that is behind this baby happiness and the grandmas who break a lance in their environment for the story of their grandchildren.
The initiative of lesbian and gay parents, Ilse for short, can be the contact point for those interested.https://123helpme.me/community-service-essay/
ZDF, October 18, 2016, 10.15 p.m. and in the ZDF media library.
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Hanna lost three babies and never turned them into a drama. But after the loss of the third child, her psyche spoke up and forced Hanna to face the situation. In an interview with t-online.de, the pedagogue explains how hard the road was and what wonderful consequences it had.
Method is on the rise – This is how a natural caesarean section works
Method is on the rise
This is how a natural caesarean section works
Sarah Saunders opted for this variant and had the birth recorded on video. Video
Julia is four weeks old. Hanna holds the beautiful, healthy baby in her arms and is smiling – despite the breast infection. “Sure, it’s not like advertising, but I know you grow with your tasks and I am delighted with this task with all my heart.”
Hanna wasn’t one of those women for whom a life plan only worked with children. The biological clock was silent – until Peter appeared. That was in 2009. Peter knew immediately that Hanna is the woman he wants to marry and with whom he would like children. “I wasn’t so sure about that, I always asked myself, what does he want with a woman who is ten years older than him?”
But the computer scientist did not give up. In the same year the two moved in together and Hanna became pregnant. She lost the child. But Hanna, who used to do competitive sports, was used to fighting and gritted her teeth. “I went back to work after just five days. I had just started a very demanding job and had very high demands on myself.”
Panic attacks and palpitations were the first signs
Hanna also stayed in the fast lane privately. “I lost the baby on March 4th, we got married in June and a short time later I was pregnant again.” When she lost this child too, her gynecologist took action. “We had a complete medical check-up, all values were okay, you couldn’t find any abnormalities.” This time too, Hanna did not allow any real grief.
Until the third pregnancy. Because the death of this child, again on March 4th, triggered an avalanche. The first signs were palpitations, night sweats and panic attacks. “Even professionally things haven’t been going smoothly for a while now, and when my boss asked me during a clarifying conversation how things were going privately, the lock covers suddenly opened and tears ran down the river. I had a real breakdown. “
The grief finds its way
Her husband reacted very understandingly and sensitively. He persuaded Hanna to apply for a cure. A little relaxation and then everything would be fine again, they both hoped. But the attending doctor noticed what was really going on with Hanna, wrote her unable to work and took her “out of the system”.
This was followed by 14 days in the depression ward of a hospital. “It was clear to me by now that the breakdown came from suppressing the miscarriages and from all the things I had bagged to cover my feelings. Which then found their way with force.” During rehab in a psychosomatic clinic, she began to work up. “With their help I developed a kind of gratitude for my miscarriages.”
Miscarriages up to 500 grams were treated like waste
Up to twenty percent of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. The understanding of parents who lost a child at an early age has changed. In the past, these fetuses were treated like waste, ended up on the trash.
Today every state has a different regulation for the burial of miscarriages. Hanna and her husband live in Saxony. There, children under 500 grams also have the right to a funeral. If the parents do not want this, the hospitals transfer the dead children to a crematorium and bury them anonymously.
Also “Sternenkinder”, an association for the bereaved of children who died early, buried anonymously and yet personally. Twice a year there is a funeral service, the children get a common grave slab with a symbol. “These souls should also find a resting place. Our third child is a cloud sheep and we have had a plush sheep named Lola since then, whom we treat like family members.”
You cling to every straw
When the pregnancy test showed two stripes for the fourth time, Hanna visited her children in the cemetery. “I was the only one there at the moment. It was sunny and I had a very peaceful feeling. There was something protective there.”
Then fate took its course. “By chance I found out on the first day after the pregnancy test that it might be possible that my body rejects foreign genetic material and that it is important to clarify this immediately. You cling to every straw.”
Time was pressing. The very next day she had managed to secure an appointment at a specialized clinic in Munich. “We drove for eight hours for a quarter of an hour of conversation. But that saved our child’s life.”
Hanna was advised to take a drug that is actually intended for cancer therapy, but which has also shown considerable success in implantation disorders. The body is practically outwitted. “By the time the body notices something, the implantation has already happened.” Peter Hanna injected the drug into the abdominal wall twice a week. The fund did not cover the costs of around 1500 euros. “But it was worth it to us!”
Julia is a Sunday child
Peter and Hanna were positive about the future. “But of course one is afraid that another miscarriage could occur. But all the tests that we had done brought positive results.” The pregnancy went smoothly and Julia saw the light of day as a Sunday child. As a lucky child, as they say. If Peter and Hanna have their way, she will not be an only child – although she is not really that for them either.
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In Germany, every third child is delivered by caesarean section – sometimes too early and for no medical reason. The operation is not the best way to start life. A medical professional advises that a planned caesarean section should at least wait until labor begins.
Method is on the rise – This is how a natural caesarean section works
Method is on the rise
This is how a natural caesarean section works
Sarah Saunders opted for this variant and had the birth recorded on video. Video
The caesarean section has saved many lives. No question. If there is a threat to mother or child, one must not hesitate. But the high number of caesarean sections performed nowadays is not necessary. Frank Louwen, director of obstetrics at the Frankfurt Hospital, estimates that at least a third of these children could see the light of day healthy and without complications in the normal way.
The World Health Organization (WHO) considers a caesarean section rate of only ten to 15 percent to be medically necessary. In many cases, however, it is purely a matter of weighing up, for example when giving birth after a previous caesarean section.
Newborns seconds after the caesarean section
Photo series with 8 pictures
The storm of birth makes mother and child strong for life
So why should pregnant women have surgery – and nothing else is a caesarean section – when they could deliver their baby naturally? “A woman who has mastered the storm of childbirth has a knowledge of her strength that can carry her through all other difficult life situations. The same applies to the child,” says Wolf Lütje, President of the German Society for Psychosomatic Gynecology and Obstetrics . He complains that in our culture a birth is only perceived as something dangerous.
The main reason for wanting a cesarean section is fear. Fear of pain, letting go, the force of nature. And not only parents, but also obstetricians are afraid of complications. “It’s a question of experience, training, but also centralization,” Louwen says in an interview with t-online. Many doctors now lack experience with more complicated births. You fear claims for damages and want to be on the safe side.
A caesarean section is like a “hold-up”
A caesarean section is easy to plan and quickly over. That is not to be expected from a natural birth. It can take a while for a child to see the light of day. And that makes sense. It takes time to arrive. “The situation in the operating room is fundamentally very different from that in the delivery room,” confirms Harald Abele, senior physician at the Perinatal Center in Tübingen. “The autonomy of the parturient is almost eliminated.” So you take important moments from mother and child. “Of course it is very difficult to evaluate the behavior of newborns. But you can very well observe their reaction to the operating room light, for example. The adaptation to the environment is definitely different.”
Wolf Lütje becomes clearer: “Imagine that you are sleeping peacefully in your bed. Suddenly in the middle of the night your covers are pulled away, your eyes are glaring and you are thrown from the window on the first floor into a swimming pool in which the water is just 14 degrees Celsius. They will survive it, of course. But to assume that such an attack will not have any consequences is certainly naive. Most of the mature children who have to be transferred to the children’s ward are cesarean children with adaptive disorders. ”
Caesarean section is best after going into labor
If you want a cesarean section, then it should be as close as possible to the calculated due date. Every day counts. An English study on desired caesarean sections shows that the frequency of serious complications decreases with every week. While it was 15.3 percent in the 37th week of pregnancy, it was only eight percent in the 39th week. “The right time for a caesarean section is after the start of labor,” says Lütje. The chief physician of the Clinic for Gynecology and Obstetrics at the Amalie Sieveking Hospital in Hamburg is convinced that this would generally not have any disadvantages for the mother, but many advantages for the child. “Labor not only prepares the child physically for the change, but also mentally.”
A natural birth strengthens the immune system
In a natural birth, the baby decides when it’s time. In addition, a vaginal birth is teamwork. Mother and child work closely together. The difficult route through the birth canal stimulates the cardiovascular system, exerts pressure on the chest, squeezes the amniotic fluid from the lungs and prepares the baby for breathing.